Be Easy On Yourself
Raise your hand if you are your own worst critic. Keep them raised if you are harder on yourself than anyone else could ever be? Wow that’s a lot of you. For those of you with your hands down, congratulations on figuring out how to be easy on yourself… Please message me and let me in on your secrets because I am far from the finish line in that race. From things as small as, “Shit, my lawn is two weeks overdue for a cut and I’m embarrassed to be seen in my neighborhood” to larger issues like, “I have no idea how to handle this employee issue, am I even worthy to run my own company and provide jobs for people?” That voice inside my head can be LOUD and all consuming. When I look around, I see so many people that seem to have it all figured out while I feel like I am awkwardly cobbling together my own life, my own identity, my own legacy. Obviously, it’s not healthy to compare yourself to others — everyone knows this — but it’s much easier said than done. Guess what; apparently, that is a normal feeling. It’s human nature, and the funny thing that I am learning through my business and life coaching is that human nature tends to be more universal than we as humans think it is. In fact, most of our insecurities are absolutely universal, and we simply perceive them as unique when they surface for us as individuals. To me, this is comforting. So I’m not alone? Most everyone feels this way in this exact situation? I have gotten better at suppressing my inner judge when it rears its dreaded gavel, and I want to share some things that work for me and allow me to be easy on myself:
Take a Breath
Actually, take five! This seems so simple and almost even cliché, but it works! Maybe because it is science. Yes, we all know that taking deep breaths increases oxygen to our brains, slows our heart rate, and improves our vision. But did you know that the simple physicality of the act of taking a deep breath allows our consciousness to switch from the left brain (where our judge lives) to our right brain (where instinct and creativity lives)? Taking deep breaths is LITERALLY a key that unlocks the door to anxiety-free natural thought processes. So, I usually take five.Write It Down
After I breathe, I acknowledge my issue by writing down the situation or thought and how it made me feel. What do you think I am doing right now? Writing down my anxieties and insecurities in real time allows me to externalize my feelings so that they don’t remain buried in my psyche. It helps me create a release which is essential in removing the lingering negativity that my insecurities bring. You know that pit in your stomach? Don’t let it hang around all day. Acknowledge it, release it, and don’t let it consume you.Make a Plan
Now that you’ve killed the judge, your mind is free to get creative and develop a plan. The root cause of most of my anxiety comes from not having a plan or not being in control of a given situation. When COVID first struck, I was concerned that my business was going to fail, but actually, I was even more anxious about the fact that I had no control over the potential outcome. I can’t eradicate deadly viruses, and I can’t control the effect that a global pandemic would have on my clients, so what the hell was I going to do? I was pissed off and angry about the fact that this business that I have devoted the last decade to building could all go away, and I had no say in the matter. Waiting and seeing is not a good business plan, and so even though I had no idea what I was doing, I took five deep breaths, wrote down my feelings, and then outlined a plan. Turns out, the crux of that plan ended up being to help other business people by offering my services for free and to give them a rope to grab onto when there was no light in the tunnel. So even though my plan entailed making no money, my anxiety and feelings of failure went away because there was now an actionable plan, a road map, a purpose.
The last two years have been wildly unpredictable, and our world is completely different now. This has created a lot of anxiety, uncertainty, and self-doubt amongst our fellow humans, including myself. Try these steps the next time you are judging yourself, feeling inadequate, or having anxiety over a situation. I am interested in hearing your stories, too, if you are willing to share. Leave a comment or send me an email, and let’s rap about it.